Deep Blue

Lately I have been suffering from a deep depression. It has been over 10 years since I have experienced this type of depression. In the past, I would stay in bed for the whole day. I would only get up to shower, feed the cats and call in sick. After 7 days of that, I would get up and go to work that Monday with a note from my physician. (At that time, I was working for a company that gave you your time off at the beginning of the year rather than you spending time accumulating it.)

For some reason, I can't shake this feeling. I have been getting up and dragging myself to work. Last week I was out 2 days but I can afford more than 1 day without pay.

I keep thinking about what I need to change. I decided not to go back to college because the great paying jobs are not falling into my lap. I also decided I need a job closer to home. The commute and the atmosphere on Uranus is not healthy at ALL! I am still waiting on resumes that I have sent out. At least email a person saying, "Thanks but no thanks."

I can't help but wonder, am I the only person experiencing this? Most of the people I know are doing fairly well and seem fairly happy.

They can't be that obvious.

I just read on Yahoo! News that Quinnipiac University surveyed 1,601 voters and 72 percent were in favor of Subway searches. Are they even aware of how many people live in NYC?! That is not a good sampling. To even print an article saying that the majority of registered voters support these searches is really blatant propaganda.

That's like me asking 3 people in the mall if they like fast food and then stating 100 percent of people love fast food. Perhaps my favorite part of the Associated Press article was (and I quote), "Support was solid among blacks, whites and Hispanics." Can someone explain what that means? How many people even identified their nationality? Did they go by last name?

Once again this is an example of the careless reporting that we Americans are exposed to. Considering that most of the time, reporters are a little more slick about trying to manipulate our thoughts and opinions - I think someone threw this out there to distract us from some really important news.

"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security,
deserve neither liberty or security." - Benjamin Franklin*

*Thanks, Opacity for the quote.

Affordable Housing

Living in NYC is not easy. It can be very expensive living depending on where you live. Alot of people are moving into the outer boroughs since it's not as crowded and the living is easier on the wallet.

I have lived my whole life in the Bronx. It's not a bad borough. As a matter of fact, they are cleaning it up little by little. The South Bronx is currently going through it's gentrification. It's funny because I read an article in the NYT or the Voice and this guy from Cali found a loft space cheap and jumped on it. As it turns out, it was in the Bronx. He says that the neighborhood is getting better but he doesn't consider it gentrification.

Hmmm, I am not sure if he knows the meaning of the word. Considering the South Bronx is losing it's affordability for the people who have been living there - that is a problem. People who can afford these new "market" values are professionals who are looking for bargains. Look at Harlem - there was an article in the Daily News talking about how people who are looking for larger apartments who LIVE in the neighborhood can not afford the new rents! And considering rent control is gone, who's to say if they could afford the new rents - how long would they actually be able to afford it. ESPECIALLY since most jobs, outside of management jobs - people get at the most a 3% annual raise. That is not even cost of living here.

It's a shame. Any diversity that NY neighborhoods had are going to pot. Greed is killing the city. Sure, sure - I would be naive to say that that wasn't always the case but all the gouging of real estate prices thanks to the realtors and the banks is really disgusting.

The Mitchell-Lamas are no longer affordable housing. They are gradually moving into the prime real estate realm. I saw an offering for condos(or Co-ops) in the Hunts Point area. The purchase prices were decent but the maintanence for a 3 bedroom that cost $100K was $1100!! It's a new building! What extensive maintance costs could it have? How much of that is taxes? In-fucking-credible.

It's sick. And to think that Mayor Bloomberg believes that he has done so much for affordable housing. The salary limits are a farce. I guess the student loans, cost of living, commuting, and other things don't factor in when they decide on those limits.

Most people just want to live a good life and I don't think having 2-3 jobs just to buy a house, co-op or condo is a good life.

Honesty is not the best policy

Today I contact a realtor about a property. Mind you, have a buyer realtor but she told me that if another realtor did not want to work with her on a listing - I could still find out about it on my own. Needless to say, that is what I did today.

The guy started out very pleasant. He was happy to hear that I was pre-approved and the amount that I was pre-approved for. After that he asked me if I made an offer on the property would I have the 10% down that was required. Outside of having money saved, I have been looking into programs that assist with the down-payments and also a bank that has a nice first buyer program. Plus, there are the Freddie Mae and Sonyma loans available. (Sorry but I wanted you to have some background information.) So, I was honest and said we didn't have the entire 10% but I can speak to the broker about it.

Well, he 360'd and decided to give me the Real Estate Buying 101 (plus he wasn't very nice about it). To make a long story short, he was basically telling me without $30K in the bank - we could not do business. I understand that he was talking from a business perspective (as I was calling from an investor perspective) but what he basically did was turned away business - period. I would never do any kinds of business with that company let alone that guy.

Someone who was interested in maintaining a possible business relationship would have said that they couldn't show me the apartment because they need to know that I could put 10% down but I should give them a call later on when I am able to. And leave it at that.

C'est la vie. He might pull that shit on the wrong person and get a visit at his office.

Ear Worms

I remember people talking about songs (that they would never listen to in a million years) that were embedded into their skulls like a chip. They used the term Ear Worms - once they get in, it takes time for your immune system to target it and whip it out. Yet, every day, week or month - there is a new strain out.

Lately, I have been too lazy to charge and update my beloved iPod Mini. I have been missing out on the weekly free songs too. Due to this laziness, I have been listening to a radio at my work desk. I started to notice how the radio stations try to plant Ear Worms. "Crazy Frog" crap and that Natasha Bedingfield song, WTF? I refuse to let that crap get into my head. As soon as I hear them, off the radio goes - period.

The next thing I noticed is that they play the same songs over and over! I can only stomach "Don't Phunk with my heart" once a day let alone 5-6 times in an 8 hour work day! Songs that I did like (Pon de Replay) are losing their flavor. Then one DJ plays the same songs almost every day during his show - Destiny's Child - Emotions and Lit - Own Worst Enemy. Give me a break. If I was paying for this, I would cancel my membership.

I know, if you don't like it turn it off. Believe me, I do. I had a point to this post but now I forgot...

SPOILER ALERT - War of the Worlds

This is my take on War of the Worlds. This was written on 7/7/05.

I finally got what War of the Worlds was about. It about the breaking up of the family unite. The aliens represent Tom Cruise (the single parent) and how their displacement causes and underlying anger that eventually comes out. (aliens and underground ships)

That anger begins to create a great rift and can cause great destruction. Then there's a point when you start to realize that you can no longer force yourself into your children's life and have to let them go. (Tom and his son)

You keep trying to build the bond but now on a more subtle way by supplying them with necessities and not asking for the emotional exchange that the parent with custody has. (Tom and the daughter in the basement.)

Then you come to terms with the fact that you can't continue fighting. You step outside yourself and see that you are still angry (when Tom emerges from the basement and sees the bloody countryside) and decide to let go and you let your guard down. (the ships with the fields coming down) Once that happens, you anger dies (the alien) and you are no longer on the outside. You are once again a part of the family. Although you are not in the same space(the mother is in the nice house and tom is on the street), you are welcomed, embraced and accepted for who you are and what you bring to the table. (Tom reunites his daughter with the mother and mets up with the son.)